A psalm to the Lord:
Psa 143:8 NKJV - Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, For in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, For I lift up my soul to You.
Lately I've been feeling 'empty' and I just could not put my finger on 'why'. I have been reading, praying, attending church, but still just 'felt' out of sorts. More emotional, tears would flow and I really wasn't aware of the reason(s) why. I have prayed, inquired and waited. I have been waking up every night unable to return to sleep. Sometimes I would get up and read my bible, other times, get out of bed and pray, still sometimes I would just toss and turn.. and then over sleep in the morning and feel tired most of the day. 'What is going on?' FINALLY last night I prayed for God to reveal to me what is hindering me.
This morning at church, I had an epiphany! As if I was standing in a dark room and suddenly the light turned on! PRAISE GOD.
Let me share:
As I have previously mentioned, I know that the Lord lead me here, to Post Falls, ID. He has blessed me in small ways, and big ways. I have a home to live in, food, clothing, a warm bed, a wonderful church with new friends in Christ. A bible study, I am healthy, the migraines are not as frequent. I am blessed.
BUT, I'm not working yet, and even though I had not admitted it or realized it, I have been worried about my bills being paid, about having money to pay them. Jobs are much harder to obtain these days, and yes, I am almost 50 years old, and that in itself is playing havoc with me. I begin to think of the life I lived (looking backwards) and feeling a sense of loss, of regret that I didn't do other things in my life, that I made mistakes I wish I could change, realizing that I am 'older' and lets admit it, less attractive due to aging, and weight gain. (a thickening of the body) Yes, I would say I have been in a funk and yet, didn't realize it. This is the first time I am 'admitting' it to myself, and others.
I have felt whiny! Not to people, but to God. I have wept, I have felt lonely. Wondering, will I have a husband?? What am I going to do? do I go to Guatemala and live and serve the children there? Oh God, how 'I want' a home of my own. Then the thoughts, 'well you aren't very skilled to earn enough money to buy a home' (yes, I know its satan, but I allowed the negative thoughts in).
So~ with ALL that being said:
As I watch Joyce Meyer M-F she talks about 'self talk', the battlefield of the mind, negative thinking is stinking thinking.. LOL.. love that one.
As I read daily, I am reminded of my words that I speak. How powerful they are to me, and to others. That the Lord 'spoke' into existence the earth and all that is in it. I've been learning to zip my lip, to turn to God in prayer for others. He can guide them, they do not need me telling them what and how to do things. haha, unless of course I am asked, then I will share. But really, my lesson is to take it to the Lord.
I thought I was taking all my thoughts and feelings to the Lord in prayer, maybe I wasn't really laying it all down at His feet, allowing Him to deal with my issues. I know I wasn't all the time, because I again thought,
"I'll just return to NC, to my home, to my friends, to my home church" (last time I decided that, the Lord immediately showed me through scripture it was not His will for me to return to NC and if I did, I would not be under His covering). Hemm, wonder what I thought had changed, nothing, except my rebellious heart.
Again, I have been have a private pity party, feeling lost, lonely, and worried about my bills. Feeling 'homeless' since I am staying at a friends home right now, (I have to remind myself that Jesus did not own His own home, but traveled as He preached the gospel. He is my example on being humble)
Anyway~ I was in the midst of pity party this week, feeling depressed. (why? when I am SAVED from eternal torture away from Gods presence) How I let this world get to me.
So~ this morning in Church, the Pastor was talking about the faith of Abram, God told Abram in Genesis 12:1 "Now the Lord said to Abram, 'Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you." (Abram was 75 years old at this time, imagine moving away from everyone and everything you knew, and people thought you were CRAZY for doing it)
Verse 4, "So Abram went, as the Lord had told him." He went, not knowing where the Lord would lead him.
OK< so now lets go to Moses.
He led the people out of Egypt. It was a 11 day journey to the promised land.
Deu 1:2 KJV - ([There are] eleven days' [journey] from Horeb by the way of mount Seir unto Kadeshbarnea.)
But as we know, it took them 40 years to get there. Because they complained, EVEN though they had their daily needs met, water, food from heaven, warmth, their clothes never wore out, they had all there needs met. Yet, they complained, 'we would have been better if we stayed in Egypt, in bondage.
So, without realizing it, I had the mentality of the Jews wondering in the desert! not being thankful for their deliverance and provision! How can God use me if I am unthankful, if I am not trusting Him to lead me according to His good and perfect will.
I praise our Father in Heaven that He does know ALL things and provides for my needs; Romans 8:27-32
Rom 8:27 NKJV - Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit [is], because He makes intercession for the saints according to [the will of] God.
Rom 8:28 NKJV - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose.
Rom 8:29 NKJV - For whom He foreknew, He also predestined [to be] conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
Rom 8:30 NKJV - Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
Rom 8:31 NKJV - What then shall we say to these things? If God [is] for us, who [can be] against us?
Rom 8:32 NKJV - He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?
The key is: ACCORDING TO HIS GOOD AND PERFECT WILL... not mine or yours.. His will.
Lord I pray in the sweet name of Jesus, that I would be pliable clay in your hands, to do with as you desire. Give me a willing heart to follow you. Thank you for the many, many blessings in my life and that of my family. AMEN
Grace to you and peace be mulitiplied;
Kim
Psa 143:8 NKJV - Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, For in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, For I lift up my soul to You.
Lately I've been feeling 'empty' and I just could not put my finger on 'why'. I have been reading, praying, attending church, but still just 'felt' out of sorts. More emotional, tears would flow and I really wasn't aware of the reason(s) why. I have prayed, inquired and waited. I have been waking up every night unable to return to sleep. Sometimes I would get up and read my bible, other times, get out of bed and pray, still sometimes I would just toss and turn.. and then over sleep in the morning and feel tired most of the day. 'What is going on?' FINALLY last night I prayed for God to reveal to me what is hindering me.
This morning at church, I had an epiphany! As if I was standing in a dark room and suddenly the light turned on! PRAISE GOD.
Let me share:
As I have previously mentioned, I know that the Lord lead me here, to Post Falls, ID. He has blessed me in small ways, and big ways. I have a home to live in, food, clothing, a warm bed, a wonderful church with new friends in Christ. A bible study, I am healthy, the migraines are not as frequent. I am blessed.
BUT, I'm not working yet, and even though I had not admitted it or realized it, I have been worried about my bills being paid, about having money to pay them. Jobs are much harder to obtain these days, and yes, I am almost 50 years old, and that in itself is playing havoc with me. I begin to think of the life I lived (looking backwards) and feeling a sense of loss, of regret that I didn't do other things in my life, that I made mistakes I wish I could change, realizing that I am 'older' and lets admit it, less attractive due to aging, and weight gain. (a thickening of the body) Yes, I would say I have been in a funk and yet, didn't realize it. This is the first time I am 'admitting' it to myself, and others.
I have felt whiny! Not to people, but to God. I have wept, I have felt lonely. Wondering, will I have a husband?? What am I going to do? do I go to Guatemala and live and serve the children there? Oh God, how 'I want' a home of my own. Then the thoughts, 'well you aren't very skilled to earn enough money to buy a home' (yes, I know its satan, but I allowed the negative thoughts in).
So~ with ALL that being said:
As I watch Joyce Meyer M-F she talks about 'self talk', the battlefield of the mind, negative thinking is stinking thinking.. LOL.. love that one.
As I read daily, I am reminded of my words that I speak. How powerful they are to me, and to others. That the Lord 'spoke' into existence the earth and all that is in it. I've been learning to zip my lip, to turn to God in prayer for others. He can guide them, they do not need me telling them what and how to do things. haha, unless of course I am asked, then I will share. But really, my lesson is to take it to the Lord.
I thought I was taking all my thoughts and feelings to the Lord in prayer, maybe I wasn't really laying it all down at His feet, allowing Him to deal with my issues. I know I wasn't all the time, because I again thought,
"I'll just return to NC, to my home, to my friends, to my home church" (last time I decided that, the Lord immediately showed me through scripture it was not His will for me to return to NC and if I did, I would not be under His covering). Hemm, wonder what I thought had changed, nothing, except my rebellious heart.
Again, I have been have a private pity party, feeling lost, lonely, and worried about my bills. Feeling 'homeless' since I am staying at a friends home right now, (I have to remind myself that Jesus did not own His own home, but traveled as He preached the gospel. He is my example on being humble)
Anyway~ I was in the midst of pity party this week, feeling depressed. (why? when I am SAVED from eternal torture away from Gods presence) How I let this world get to me.
So~ this morning in Church, the Pastor was talking about the faith of Abram, God told Abram in Genesis 12:1 "Now the Lord said to Abram, 'Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you." (Abram was 75 years old at this time, imagine moving away from everyone and everything you knew, and people thought you were CRAZY for doing it)
Verse 4, "So Abram went, as the Lord had told him." He went, not knowing where the Lord would lead him.
OK< so now lets go to Moses.
He led the people out of Egypt. It was a 11 day journey to the promised land.
Deu 1:2 KJV - ([There are] eleven days' [journey] from Horeb by the way of mount Seir unto Kadeshbarnea.)
But as we know, it took them 40 years to get there. Because they complained, EVEN though they had their daily needs met, water, food from heaven, warmth, their clothes never wore out, they had all there needs met. Yet, they complained, 'we would have been better if we stayed in Egypt, in bondage.
So, without realizing it, I had the mentality of the Jews wondering in the desert! not being thankful for their deliverance and provision! How can God use me if I am unthankful, if I am not trusting Him to lead me according to His good and perfect will.
I praise our Father in Heaven that He does know ALL things and provides for my needs; Romans 8:27-32
Rom 8:27 NKJV - Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit [is], because He makes intercession for the saints according to [the will of] God.
Rom 8:28 NKJV - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose.
Rom 8:29 NKJV - For whom He foreknew, He also predestined [to be] conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
Rom 8:30 NKJV - Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
Rom 8:31 NKJV - What then shall we say to these things? If God [is] for us, who [can be] against us?
Rom 8:32 NKJV - He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?
The key is: ACCORDING TO HIS GOOD AND PERFECT WILL... not mine or yours.. His will.
Lord I pray in the sweet name of Jesus, that I would be pliable clay in your hands, to do with as you desire. Give me a willing heart to follow you. Thank you for the many, many blessings in my life and that of my family. AMEN
Grace to you and peace be mulitiplied;
Kim
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